Inappropriate sexual behaviour: where does it come from?

This article explores some of the evidence of how inappropriate sexual behaviours in children may originate. This is by no means definitive or conclusive. The factors for the more harmful and problematic end of the spectrum of behaviours are complex and we need to bear this in mind as we consider our responses to the issue.

Initially published on 17 September 2025 on LinkedIn.

Definitions

Inappropriate sexual behaviours are “sexual behaviours expressed by children and young people under the age of 18 years old that are developmentally inappropriate, may be harmful towards self or others, or be abusive towards another child, young person or adult” (Hackett et al., 2016:12).

The NSPCC also has a definition for problematic sexual behaviour which they define as “developmentally inappropriate or socially unexpected, sexualised behaviour which does not have an overt element of victimisation or abuse.”

How does inappropriate sexual behaviour start?

It is important to note that there is no universally agreed definition of ISB (inappropriate sexual behaviour) and that it can include quite a wide range of behaviours. It is also important to note that there are many different terminologies used to describe sexualised behaviours in children.

We use the term inappropriate sexual behaviours as we want to capture sexual behaviour in children that is developmentally appropriate but perhaps expressed in the incorrect context as well as behaviours that are inappropriate/problematic/harmful. ISB is an umbrella term that includes a spectrum of sexual behaviours.

Developmentally appropriate sexual behaviour for a child might be touching their own genitals in a way that feels pleasurable to them, doing it in public needs to be gently discouraged and the behaviour redirected. Touching or masturbating genitals in a way that is compulsive, repeatedly done in public, and is physically harmful to themselves, even when repeatedly discouraged and redirected would indicate problematic or harmful sexual behaviour.

Back to the question, where does this behaviour come from?

The answer is complex and there is not enough research on ISB in general. I will draw on the Masters research work of Simone Oberholzer[i], a South African Social Worker as well as the work of the National Society for Prevention of Cruelty to Children (NSPCC)[ii], a UK based charity, as well as the publication “South African children and pornography: A guide for professionals and caregivers interacting with children who are exposed to pornography.” By Marita Rademeyer and Robyn Wolfson Vorster. [iii]

Individual Factors

It is interesting to note that the UK findings and South African findings do differ somewhat. I include UK findings as a comparison to the South African context and also, as there is such a dearth of South African literature on the topic.

Age and Gender

In the UK it was found that most children displaying ISB were male children, and behaviour usually starts in adolescence. In South Africa, social workers reported that children of all ages and genders displayed ISB. In my practice experience, ISB is perpetrated by both girls and boys. In South Africa, boys are more likely to be reported for perpetrating ISB.

Cognitive abilities and social skills

South African social workers in the research noted that children who perpetrated ISB displayed a mix of social skills and cognitive abilities. They found from experience working with children displaying ISB to have a variety of cognitive abilities and some to be very socially skilled while others not. Oberholzer (2021) found that research shows children displaying ISB have some emotional detachment and isolation.

In the UK, the NSPCC found that a significant portion of children who display ISB also have a learning disability or are on the autism spectrum, and these children often have other emotional, behavioural and peer-related difficulties.

To date in my own experience, I have worked with children displaying ISB who are very socially skilled, and intelligent but have deep unmet emotional needs. Impulse control has also been a factor in the behaviour.

Trauma history

In South Africa, there is a high rate of violence and sexual violence. South African social workers reported that children who display ISB have likely had one or more of the following traumas or adverse childhood experiences;

Children who have experienced child sexual abuse (perpetrated by an adult) or been witness to adult sexual interactions due to overcrowding or prostitution in the home. Children who have been witness to domestic violence.

Those who have been physically abused and/or neglected. These children tend to use ISB as a form of self-soothing and there is an element of learned behaviour as much of the traumas listed occur in the home.

According to the NSPCC a “the majority of children who display harmful sexual behaviour have experienced trauma, including abuse and/or neglect.”

It is important to note that not all children who have experienced abuse and other traumatic events end up perpetrating ISB.

Family circumstances

Caregiver’s values and beliefs which form the family’s culture can impact whether a child perpetrates ISB. Permissive contexts with few boundaries and no privacy can lead to ISB.

Lack of adequate parental supervision is a significant factor driving ISB. Caregivers who are not physically present cannot provide the care and guidance children need. Caregivers who are physically present but emotionally absent or not attuned to their children’s needs may not pick up on vulnerabilities or “red flags”. Small issues may escalate into much larger ones without a caring adult’s attuned attention.

In my work, I have seen children who crave their parent’s attention and authentic presence deeply. Children are skilled at knowing when their adult is physically present but emotionally absent and they will do what they can to capture their attention or try to fill that void elsewhere.

Systemic Factors

Looking at the larger factors at play in driving ISB is important for context. Individual factors as discussed above only tell a part of the story. Larger systemic issues need to be examined for how they might be driving ISB across a community, such as a school.

Schools

As school is a daily part of children’s lives, it is an important system to consider. One finding from Oberholzer’s research is that sex education at schools is insufficient. Children need information on what ISB is, and how to deal with it. At Fresh Hope Consulting, we wholeheartedly agree with this. We believe that a whole school approach, normalising talking about private parts and keeping our bodies safe is a very healthy approach to dealing with and preventing any ISB.

ISB is occurring on school properties, on the playgrounds and in bathrooms as identified in the research. Unsupervised spaces, the “nooks and crannies” of schools need to have special attention paid to them so that inappropriate behaviour cannot continue unchecked.

When I consulted Dr. Joan van Niekerk, founder of Childline and child protection advocate and expert, the advice she gave was for schools to keep children within “ear shot and eye shot.” As far as possible to keep children within hearing distance, failing which to keep them within sight of a staff member.

Digital Media

Social media is being accessed by children of all ages. The influencers children choose to follow on social media can shape their thinking about themselves and their bodies. Our brains only fully form at 25 years of age. Growing brains, especially in the early years of birth to 13, are very suggestable and vulnerable.

The visual content on social media is very stimulating and mostly created for adult audiences. The more time young children spend on social media unsupervised, the more likely they will be exposed to inappropriate content and much of it sexually driven.

Pornography is increasingly a huge issue. It is highly addictive, and an accidental exposure can lead to compulsive use in a short space of time (Rademeyer & Wolfson Vorster, 2024) They say “…exposure to pornography is being identified as a contributory factor in the rise of harmful sexual behaviour in children of all ages.” (Rademeyer & Wolfson Vorster, 2024:29).

The NSPCC report also notes that viewing pornography before the age of 13 may trigger ISB in children. Pornography is readily accessible to children who have a device connected to the internet. It leads to developmentally inappropriate knowledge about sex and in some cases children try to replicate what they have seen.

Who is safe from inappropriate sexual behaviour?

Is any child “safe” from ISB? As long as they have interactions with other children, there is a potential for exposure to ISB. The more risk factors there are present, ie: lack of safe adult supervision, no parental controls on screen time, family instability and/or abuse etc… the more likely a child may be exposed to sexualised behaviour.

I have worked with children from wealthy, middle class and working class families whose children have either been a victim of ISB or perpetrated ISB. Social class and status do not exclude children from risk. There is potential for ISB to happen to any child, but this does not mean it happens to every child.

Summary

There is not enough literature, and specifically South African literature on ISB. There is also not a widely or internationally agreed definition of ISB, and even the terminology that is used varies from country to country. ISB starts due to a variety of reasons and certain risk factors should be noted. Including a child’s trauma history, the quality of parental relationships in their lives, and the extent to which they feel emotionally connected to their parents. Significantly, exposure to adult sexual content online or in person can trigger ISB acting out behaviour. Without trusted adults to talk to about what they have seen or experienced, ISB can escalate.

The most important thing is for caring adults to recognise when there is a problem and to be part of the response. For every risky of challenging behaviour, we need to be looking beneath the surface and being curious about what is really going on for the child.

References

[i] Contributing Factors to Inappropriate Sexual Behaviours in Children under the age of 14: Views of Social Workers. Simone Oberholzer. 2021

[ii] Statistics Briefing: Harmful Sexual Behaviour. NSPCC. 2024. https://learning.nspcc.org.uk/research-resources/statistics-briefings/harmful-sexual-behaviour-hsb

[iii]South African children and pornography: A guide for professionals and caregivers interacting with children who are exposed to pornography. Rademeyer, M. & Wolfson Vorster, R. (2024)