This is not a new problem

Initially published on 27 May 2024 on LinkedIn.

Harmful sexual behaviour between children is not a new problem. In fact, it's probably very, very old. Nevertheless, it is alarming especially so in the age of digital media and the access that children have, often unsupervised, to the internet.

In my private practice I have seen an increase in harmful sexual behaviour in children under the age of 10, and that is concerning. This is a rather complex, multi-faceted and sensitive topic. Both children and their parents tend to want to not talk about it.

For parents, to think about your child being a sexual being in any way is disconcerting/shameful/not possible! It could hook into their own history in some way, possibly even triggering a trauma response.

For children, even if they haven't had conversations about their bodies with their caregivers, inherently they feel (or have been told), that this is a secret. A shameful secret that needs to be kept. And they will keep that secret at great cost - especially if they are the ones initiating the behaviour.

To add to this complexity, there is the person dealing with the harmful sexual behaviour - me, I am one of those people. And sometimes I really don't want to be. As an advocate for children to be screen-free as much as possible, to play, to be children, the thought of children being exposed to harmful sexual behaviour at such a young age is painful.

What is harmful sexual behaviour?

“Sexual behaviours expressed by children and young people under the age of 18 years old that are developmentally inappropriate, may be harmful towards self or others, or be abusive towards another child, young person or adult.” Source: Hackett, S, Branigan, P and Holmes, D (2019).

In dealing with an influx of harmful sexual behaviours (HSB), I have spent some time talking to experts about this issue. It turns out, we don't know enough about HSB in young children, nor is there - to the best of my knowledge and those who I have spoken to - an evidence-based model for treating HSB in young children. The best piece of advice one expert gave me, amongst many others, was to learn from the work as I go and to record the learning.

So, here I am. Writing my experiences, my questions, my learning. Gathering information and evidence and failures along the way. And I would love this to be a dialogue, not a monologue. Please contribute your learning as a parent or practitioner.

I'd love to hear from you

Do you deal with HSB as a practitioner? What ages of children are you seeing display or be affected by HSB?